The hot girl's guide to deleting social media

or, notes from an internet exile.

Dearest reader,

Picture this. It’s 8am. You awake from a dreamless sleep to the buzz of your alarm. You reach for your phone, silence the noise and…put the phone back down. A bird chirps. A car drives past. You get out of bed. It’s 8.05am. You shower, get dressed, and read a book. Life is good.

Our story begins several months ago. I, having just turned 25, decided to permanently delete my social media from my phone and my life.

That means no more TikTok and no more Instagram. (Snapchat, Twitter and Facebook all fell to the wayside many moons ago, so these two last bastions were the twin pillars keeping my screen time high and my attention span low.)

Now, don’t get me wrong - I loved TikTok and I loved Instagram, both for different reasons. The former for sharing memes with my friends and the latter for staying up to date with culture, trends and inspiration. So, at the ripe young/old age of 25, why did I voluntarily choose to exile myself from the internet?

Me as a baby.

See you never.

I should probably start by saying that I’ve never been particularly attached to my socials. Yes, I love to scroll and swipe as much as the next person, but my internet infatuation has never gone further than running a Legend of Zelda Tumblr back in 2015 (gone but not forgotten). I didn’t get Facebook until I was in my mid-teens - quite a few years after my friends - and the same goes for Instagram. TikTok, similarly, wasn’t downloaded until a good time after its peak in 2020 lockdown. Maybe it’s some in-built rejection to conform to what everyone else is doing, or an unconscious rebellion against the irresistible urge to do something that’s all too familiar to an addictive personality type - I’m not sure. But what I do know is that it’s always been a part of my life, rather than my life, even when I worked as a social media manager for a bit.

I’ve always wanted it to be a place I could create, or at least be inspired to create (like here or the aforementioned Legend of Zelda Tumblr) rather than a place to simply scroll. I’ve never been one to consistently post on either TikTok or Instagram, despite regretfully trying to become a ‘home influencer’ a couple of years ago (dear reader, I did not become a home influencer). What I mean is that social media inspires me to create in different ways, from making better outfits and healthier meals to living a more productive life and yes, decorating my home to the fringes of ‘sad-beige-core’ but no further.

So when the endless scrolling overtook the irl creating, something had to give, if not for my screen time then for my self-care.

I quit social media for (surprise surprise) my mental health. This is not the place nor the time for a trauma dump and to be honest I don’t want to do that, so all I’ll say is I’m a #sensitivegirly and things can really get to me. Over-thinking, over-comparing and over-analysing what I read, watched and consumed started to make me feel bad, and I realised it was, in part at least, down to over-relying on socials to fill my time and my brain.

Yes, I see the irony of quoting a Kardashian here.

I’m just going to take a quick detour to talk about Substack Notes. For those who don’t know, Notes is basically Twitter for Substack (but way more wholesome and way less racist). Me and Notes have a bit of a complicated relationship. On the one hand, it’s a way nicer space than any other social media because everyone’s pretty much here for the same reason - to write, to talk about what they’re writing, to talk about writing, to inspire. But, on the other, it’s tinged with the same old exposure to content I don’t necessarily want to see (which isn’t always a bad thing - it’s nice to find new Substacks and new people to follow) but I’d like to be able to turn it off sometimes, which is currently a feature we don’t have. It also feels like Notes are an essential part of growing your Substack now and consistent posting and socialising on here is a necessity, for better or worse. I’m not completely sure how I feel about it, as it’s technically my only form of social media (so I guess I lied and haven’t quit all my socials). But right now, it feels different. Maybe because it’s new, maybe because it’s just nicer - who knows - I’m enjoying posting and interacting (something I’ve seen a lot of people say they feel more comfortable doing here, and I agree) so we’ll see where it takes us.

IG the OG

Instagram has always been my social of choice. Yes, it’s got a shitty algorithm. Yes, it’s the original promoter of the completely fabricated curated lifestyle. And yes, it’s where memes go to die. But dammit, I love the grid. So quitting Instagram was more difficult than I expected. I use IG in an arguably unconventional way because I have two accounts - one private, for my personal life where I follow only my friends and a koala charity in Australia (I love koalas), and one public, for influencers, brands and the occasional celebrity (literally just Simone Ashley because she’s a goddess). Having it like this has always felt like I’ve had a little more control over using it as a social media for people I actually know and want to keep up to date with versus wanting somewhere purely virtual where I can look into the lives of strangers.

So, why did I delete it? For all the reasons I like it so much. The shitty algorithm feeding me reels of people speculating which celebrities have had plastic surgery, influencers flaunting their wealth, the pretty privilege telling me I’m just not good enough. The completely fabricated curated lifestyle of more is more and I’m a failure for having a normal job instead of millions of followers and a Podcast and a Vogue column before the age of 21. And the memes - mean, not funny and borderline offensive. The fun and the degree of separation had gone, and I was scrolling through a feed I didn’t want to look at but couldn’t look away from. And that sucked.

TikTok was the second to go and again, it was harder than I thought - but this time for different reasons. I felt pretty isolated, like I’d left a party knowing it was still going on without me and I was missing out on all the fun, all the in-jokes and, worse still, my friends were still inside having a great time. Like so many couples, me and my boyfriend used to send reams of videos to each other - I’d see something I hoped would crack him up (he’s a tough man to please) and send it to him, he’d send things to me he knew I’d love. It became a really nice relationship ritual for us, and an unforeseen casualty of my deletion. I, obviously, quit for the bad bits of social media, but doing that also meant I lost the good bits too.

But, as with anything, life finds a way.

I’m very lucky and very pleased to say that my boyfriend now gives me a curated, select showing of only the finest TikToks that he’s saved specially for me so that I only consume the creme-de-la-creme of the internet. It’s like a weekly TikTok festival for an audience of one - moi. I also watch Unusual Videos compilations on YouTube which also keeps me well in the loop of internet culture, grandma style.

On this point, I’d like to say that I have still managed to stay somewhat aware of what’s trending. News of the Four Seasons Orlando Baby first hit my ears before it did several of my friends’ simply because someone mentioned it to me at work and I needed to see what this baby was all about. The same goes for brat summer (which

keepsake

,

Lucy Moon

and other wonderful writers on here have been covering). So if you’re thinking of quitting your socials but are held back by the fear of being out of the loop, rest assured - the internet will find you one way or another.

Unexpected positives

Over-consumerism is out. I’m free from the constant cycle of trends that come as quickly as they go. Mesh shoes? Gingham shorts? The return of the low rise jean? Sorry, I don’t know them. I’m not influenced to constantly buy the next thing and the next thing and the next thing anymore. It’s liberating and better for my bank account.

I can finally enjoy social media for what it is - make believe. It’s sensationalist and OTT because you’re supposed to like and follow and share and click the link in bio. I can see that for what it is and kind of appreciate it. Come to think of it, I’ve lost some of my productivity because I’m not being motivated by what I’m consuming. Fantasy and romance are an endless source of inspiration, and I miss watching a 45 second long video of a guy cleaning his apartment or a girl vlogging her day at work. Content like this is of course highly edited and all set up, but they bring a sense of fun to the more mundane bits of life which is pretty cute.

The prodigal daughter returns?

I didn’t write this newsletter to wax lyrical about how great I am for quitting social media. It’s for the opposite. It’s been a lot harder than I thought it would be and I do miss the inspirational and actually social parts of it.

My friend recently got a new kitten and I’ve missed out on seeing it by not following along with her cat-account. My other friend has been documenting her travels with reels that capture what she’s seen and I’ve not seen any of those. And truthfully I miss seeing style inspiration and travel photos and posts that romanticise life - because I can appreciate them for what they are now, and that’s okay. So yes, it definitely still feels like the party’s going on and I’m not there anymore. That’s why, when the time is right, I probably will get back to socials - but in a different way. I want to see what I want to see. So it’ll begin with a purge of all the accounts I don’t want to follow to make sure I only see the ones I do. Then, because I can’t stop Instagram or TikTok from shoving suggested posts down my throat, I’ll revert to the Following tabs to see posts from people I’m invested in.

When will I be back? I can’t say. But what I do know is, it’ll be different next time. It’ll be conscious and curated and as kind to my mind as it can be. And I can always leave again when I’m ready. Yes, the party will still be going on when I do, but I’m okay with that. After all, I’ve always been a leave-the-party early kind of girl who’d much rather be curled up at home with a good book - or newsletter.

Thanks for reading this one,

~ Cesca