I gave up on giving up on social media
or, the digital pariah returns…
Dearest reader,
Picture this. It’s 8am. You wake up, startled by the artificial bird sounds you set for your alarm. You reach for your phone, silence the noise, open Instagram, scroll for 15 minutes, extend your daily app timer another 15 minutes, watch some stories, scroll through reels, fight every urge to spend the last remaining money from your pay cheque on a pair of trousers you really can’t afford and really don’t need. Now it’s 8.45. You’re running late, you don’t have time to shower so you hope your Charlotte Tilbury perfume will mask any lingering scents of sweat. You grab your bag, leaving one last forlorn look at the book on your nightstand before heading out the door (who are you kidding, you’ve not read for months). Life used to be better.
It’s been 9 months since I wrote The hot girl’s guide to deleting social media. In that time, I could have gotten pregnant and given birth. I didn’t (thank goodness - my cat’s enough for me), but I did somehow birth a community of likeminded internet exiles, chomping at the bit to stop the scroll. I never thought that post would resonate with so many people sharing similar stories and support for digital detoxing in some form or another. I’m so glad it resonated and found its place in feeds and brains around the world (after all, that’s all you can really hope for when you write).
But as we’ve established, 9 months is a significant amount of time. And for me it’s marked a rebirth into the digital world. A baptism by fire of memes, gifs, reels, posed posting and ‘candid’ photos that make me want to vom.
In short, I fell off the wagon. I’m back on the source. I’ve given myself the ick. I finally returned to social media after all. So, why did I do it, and will I be staying?
The prodigal daughter returned
I quit social media last year for my mental health and my creativity. I felt more controlled by my black mirror than I ever had before, until now.
It’s hard for me to admit defeat, I can’t lie. So let’s be clear - when I say relapse, please know this is, in my mind at least, a temporary return to old ways. I want to live up to where I was, to the advice and experiences I shared then. It turns out, it’s just really hard to do that all the time.
Where I was:
No Instagram, no TikTok
My boyfriend creating me a curated list of memes to keep me connected
Logging into Safari to take a look at my ‘friends only’ page every now and then
Screen time: under 2 hours
Where I am:
Back on Instagram
My boyfriend has now deleted his social media (ironically)
Logged into all three of my Instagram accounts
Screen time: inching ever closer to 4 hours
I can’t say exactly when I returned to the social-sphere, but it’s been a 2025 development. I’m still off TikTok, but Instagram has definitely been my biggest addiction. TikTok feels like less of a truly ‘social’ platform for me, as it really is just scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling through strangers’ feeds. I’m a Gen-Z with Millennial tendencies (my teenage years were punctuated by moustaches, galaxy print, Vine and Tumblr) so no one I know actually uses TikTok to post videos. If they do, they’re keeping it secret. Instagram at least is my more social media (or parasocial), where my friends post stories, share life updates and send me memes, and I keep up to date with the handful of influencers I follow as well.
Strangely, since rejoining Instagram I’ve not felt a dip in my mental health in the same way as before (comparing myself, overthinking, etc.). This time, it’s come from a place of awareness. Every time I open the app or extend my screen time I think ‘what am I doing??’ I know I’ve used the addiction analogy, but that is how it feels. I’m aware that this isn’t really what I want to be doing but I’m doing it anyway - ugh. Like last night, I set out to spend my evening reading, and found myself brain rotting through reels instead. I can’t help it.
And it’s even worse because I was doing so well last year that I wrote a semi-viral post on here.
Does this this make me a hypocrite?
Maybe. Just a bit. But I’m not going to say absolutely yes. Ironically, the biggest factor in my increased screen time is my real social life.
I’ve got a few new friends, and a big part of our relationship relies on reels).
I suppose I was slightly naive (look at where we are, why am I surprised??) about how much of a role memes can play in friendships. And if you’re not able to be part of that, then you do feel really left out. Sometimes that’s fine - you’ve got a solid enough relationship without the memes, so who needs’em? But with new friendships especially, I really don’t want to be the awkward one who’s not part of the inside jokes and banter. Plus, it’s just nice to have people send you stuff and show they’re thinking about you. Even if I do still yearn for the days of letter writing and witticisms that required a bit more effort than simply pressing ‘share’…
Realisations
In my piece from last year, I wrote down the things I’d noticed since leaving social media. Now I’m back online, I’ve realised a lot of other stuff too.
Now that I’m back on my socials, I can’t remember what it was like to not be on them, which is crazy. Someone recently commented asking what I was doing with my time without my phone, and I couldn’t answer them. I think I was just being present, probably reading or writing or watching something undistracted. Bliss.
When my screen time gets higher, I’ve seen my other habits fall to the wayside too. Maybe it’s because this brainrotty headspace makes everything go out the window. Or, maybe, when I spend more time on my phone, it sets off a chain reaction that takes out all the good habits - getting up early, reading, creating, doing chores, being present. Either way, my return has signalled a shift in my existence. I feel... icky. And I feel distracted and regretful that I’m wasting my time scrolling. It’s fun while I do it, but in hindsight I’d always much rather have done something else.
Hope and healthier habits
I never said I’d be away forever. In fact, I admitted that I probably wouldn’t be, and when that time came, it would be ‘conscious and curated and as kind to my mind as it can be. And I can always leave again when I’m ready.’
Well, I’m ready. To step back again and reclaim my time and my attention span and seek inspiration in other places. To admit that I don’t want to not have Instagram (at least for the moment), but I’d like to be on it for less than 15 minutes a day, at lunchtime, not when I first wake up. I don’t want the brain rot, I just want to be a bit more social and in touch. I want to grow my Naive Edit page following a little more. I want to be in control again.
So, I’m choosing to leave the party early again. I’m still turning up and this time I’m chatting a bit more. But I don’t have to stay too long or late. I’ve never been one for peer pressure, so why start now? Go in, make an impression, have a few laughs, then leave and go home - back to a life of no phone in the mornings, lower screen time, less brain rot and more time for my real life.
I’m just being more realistic about how I want to use it this time, and a bit less naive.
~ Cesca
Whenever I do something as drastic as leaving social media or spend hours and hours on it I always end up with the same lesson: everything in modertation. It applies to phone use, diet, sleep, work, being a consumer. Maybe instead of quitting social media people should just instead choose carefully which platforms they use like when most of us decided to drop TikTok for substack. They call it quitting socmed but they just found a healthier option
Moderation is so hard! But I think it’s the key. Shockingly that the hard path is probably the right path. The path that takes effort and self control and reflection. Going cold turkey is easier so is completely giving in. I applaud you for taking the hard way, the path of nuance. It will make you a stronger person!